Pray

Please pray for my Father,

When your worst fear about someone’s health whom you love comes true it feels like a dead knife that was always there, finally comes to life and starts stabbing away inside violently without pause. He has has been on an artery transplant waitlist for a while now, and the last few arteries which the doctors had used to replace others within his body from his second heart attack are not doing the job anymore, it was a matter of time.

Inside I’m feeling a constant mixture of sadness, rage, anger, depression, crisis, panic, pain, loneliness, sucked dry of all hope all over and more. I’m sad for Papa, he doesn’t even tell us this stuff unless we call his doctor in front of him, that makes me upset even that he hasn’t been proactive about his health, we’ve tried everything we can but he just doesn’t listen. It’s like he knows his time is coming soon and he’s resigned to that fact. I’ve scraped every corner of the internet and called every doctor I can to figure out if I can donate arteries while I’m still alive, but rejection is a constant theme of this life. To say I’m panicked is an understatement, he made me a director of his company prior to telling me any of this, and now I’ve got to hold reigns on something I never even built, nor want to take care of for mine own sake whatsoever. I just want him to get a transplant and sit at home with Mummy and relax for a few years, that’s all. It’s already bad enough that I couldn’t help give him grandkids to play with yet, it’s even worse that I have to see him decay like this in front of our own eyes.

Please, if you’re reading this, pray for him. Ya Allah, please grant Aslam Khan shifah. Ameen.

It’s from الله